Nancy's Notes From Florida

Self-Editing

January 16, 2010

New writers often ask me for self-editing tips. Here is a revised version of my guidelines. I hope you find them useful. Would you add any more that I’ve overlooked?

1. Tighten your sentence structure by replacing phrases with precise words. NO: “the light of the boat” YES: “the boat’s light” NO: He ran down by the terrace and out toward the lake. YES: He sped past the terrace toward the lake.
  
2.  Replace passive verbs with active tense.  NO: “The slaves were slain by lions.” YES: “Lions mauled the slaves.”
 
3.  Replace “walked” and “went” with a more visual word.  She shuffled toward the door.  He raced down the street.
 
4.  Eliminate most substitutes for “said” along with adverbs that describes speech.  NO: “I love it,” he chortled merrily. YES: “I love it,” he said with a chuckle.
 
5. Replace “he/she said” with character tags. Use action as identifier and bring in the five senses whenever possible. NO:. “I suppose,” she said. YES: “I suppose.” Her neck prickled as though Grace’s words had prophetic power.
 
6. Motivate your protagonists with clear goals. If they don’t care what’s happening, why should your reader?
 
7. Does your dialogue have a purpose? Conversations should advance the plot or reveal character. Re foreign accents: don’t overuse dialects. 
 
8. Dangling Participles.  NO: “Glancing into the rear view mirror, her breath released upon noticing the coast was clear.” YES: “Glancing into the rear view mirror, she released a breath upon noticing the coast was clear.”

9. Gerunds.  Beware of “ing” phrases that are illogical. NO: Flinging the door wide, she stepped inside the darkened interior. YES: She flung the door wide and stepped inside the darkened interior.

10. Avoid weak phrases like “seemed to,” “tried to,” “began to.” NO: He seemed to want her input. YES: His smile encouraged her to offer an opinion. Also avoid unnecessary phrases such as “she realized”, “she figured”, “he decided,” “he watched,” “he thought.”

11. Show, don’t tell.  NO: She felt afraid. YES: Ice gripped her heart. NO: He was angry. YES: He slammed his fist into the door.NO: He’d met her at the inn and liked her on sight. YES: He spied the blonde as soon as he stepped inside the front door. Wrinkling his nose at the strong smell of ale mixed with human sweat, he loped in her direction. Lights glared from overhead, but it was nothing compared to the radiance on her face…

12. Invest your characters with attitude to give them a distinctive personality. NO: “I’m fine, thanks.” YES: “You really wanna know?”

13. Keep description within the viewpoint of your character. Similes and metaphors should be within his/her frame of reference.

14. When you’re in deep viewpoint, use pronouns rather than the character’s name.

15. Use a new paragraph when you switch viewpoints.

16. Check timing and continuity, and make sure all loose ends are tied up by the last page. Be realistic about meal and work hours.

17. Avoid weak verbs: is, was, are, were, there was.  NO: There was water on the window. YES: Water droplets beaded the window. NO: His pulse was racing. YES: His pulse raced.

18. Avoid negatives. NO: He would not wait any longer if she didn’t appear. YES: He’d leave if she failed to show up.

19. Delete redundancies. NO: sat down YES: sat NO: He thought to himself YES: He thought. BETTER: eliminate “he thought.” If you’re in his viewpoint, you know he’s the one thinking.

20. Check for repetitions: Most of us unconsciously overuse a favorite word. Be alert for these when you read through your manuscript. Also, avoid the same phrases or words on two consecutive pages. Another thing to watch out for: don’t repeat the same information. Mentioning something once is enough.

21. Eliminate “that” where not needed.

22. Remove qualifiers that weaken your prose, such as: very, rather, quite, really, awfully. NO: I remembered that she was really nice. YES: I remembered how her smile lit the room. NO: It was very hot. YES: The heat made my skin itch, or Heat waves rippled off the pavement.

23. Beware of flying body parts. NO: Her eyes flew across the room. YES: Her gaze flew across the room. NO: She threw her hands in the air. YES: She raised her arms.

24. Be specific: NO: She passed a clump of flowers YES: She passed a clump of red tulips sprouting from the ground like supplicating hands. NO: It had been a hard day. YES: Her body sagged as though she’d been battered in a stampede.

25. Learn correct spelling and usage: their or they’re; it’s or its; lay or lie; you’re or your.

26. Beware of talking heads. Lines of dialogue need to be broken up by character tags, including sensory descriptions or action.

27. Keep flashbacks and backstory to a minimum. Work them in with dialogue and action.

28. Use descriptive detail only when it enhances your story. Too much detail can slow your pacing and lose the reader’s interest. Always remember the five senses.

23. Go for strong endings at ends of sentences. Don’t end sentences on a preposition. NO: I didn’t know what he was waiting for. YES: I didn’t understand why he waited. NO: He stared in horrified dismay at her. YES: He stared at her in horrified dismay.

 


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San Juan

December 30, 2009

We’ve been on tours here before so this time we just walked around, browsing in the stores. I picked up some 14k gold hoop earrings at Tropical Jewelers for my daughter cheaper than the ones I bought myself in a similar size in St. Thomas. From the pier, walk up Calle Tanca a couple of blocks to Calle Fortaleza, the main shopping street. Turn left and stroll along, ducking into any shops that strike your fancy. We got lured into Restaurant Barrachina, home of the famed Piña Colada drink created here in 1963. It’s a charming restaurant with a tempting appetizer menu or a place for lunch. No worries about the waiters; they speak English. The food is good and there’s a rest room in the back. As for the piña coladas, I’ve had better but it was fun to try one here. The waiter recommended Don Q Cristal for a white rum. There’s a store by the waterfront but it was closed on Thursdays and that’s the day we were in port. He also mentioned Ron del Barrilito for a golden rum. He said these are the rums used by the natives, not Baccardi brands.

After an early meal, we continued onward on Calle Fortaleza. At the far end toward Calle Christo is a barricade blocking access to the Governor’s mansion. Turn left and you’ll find yourself at a historical chapel. Go into Pigeon Park next to the chapel for a fabulous view of the harbor. Note the stone wall with all the pigeonholes where the birds live. It’s a fascinating glimpse of old San Juan. If you’ve never been to the island before, you can tour the forts or take a bus tour to the rainforest. A couple of hours patrolling the city streets is more than sufficient for shopping.

Labadee

This is a fabulous beach party at RCCL’s private hideaway. Passengers had the entire day to roam about this beautiful peninsula. It’s part of Haiti but is separated from the mainland by scenic mountains. Lush with green foliage and palm lined lagoons, this island-like setting offers something for everyone. You can lose yourself in bliss lying on a lounge chair and sipping a potent Labadoozee or rum punch while gazing at the sparkling turquoise waters. Go for a swim, stuff yourself at the BBQ lunch, or get a thrill riding on the zip line or rollercoaster. Shop for colorful Haitian paintings and wood carvings at the native market. Or rent a jet ski and zoom across the waves. Kayaking and floats are available as is an Aqua Park for kids. Whatever your pleasure, you can find it here. A tram ride can take you from one end to the other if you don’t feel like walking in the heat.

My camera broke so I don’t have any photos for these ports. A new camera became one of my holiday gifts upon our return. I hate learning new technology. Some features are better than my old camera, though, so it’s worth the effort.

 



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St. Thomas

December 28, 2009

Here we took RCCL’s Best of St. Thomas tour to see the St. Peter Greathouse which opened to the public fairly recently. Owned by a governor initially, the house passed into various hands before being turned into a tourist attraction and catering hall. Our open air bus made two stops along the way at scenic overlooks, but the view from this impressive estate surpassed them.

St Thomas Ship
View of Ship from Mountain Top
St Thomas View
St Thomas View

The house itself exudes tropical ambiance with its expansive windows and comfortable furnishings.

House 1
St. Peter Greathouse
House 2
St. Peter Greathouse
House 4
St. Peter Greathouse
House 3
St. Peter Greathouse

Along with a gift shop and snack bar, there’s a planked nature walk that I enjoyed the most. Surrounded by lush tropical foliage, you descend a boardwalk into the jungle via a series of steps and then climb back up. It’s not too strenuous, and the fruity rum punch we had beforehand fortified us. This is a worthwhile tour if you want to get a taste of St. Thomas’s lush beauty. It took about 3 hours, so if you book an early morning excursion, you’ll still have plenty of time for shopping in town.

Nature
Nature Trail
Nan2 Nature
Nancy on Nature Trail

Back at Charlotte Amalie, the port town, we had lunch at the Green House. I recommend this restaurant or Café Amici in an alley near A.H. Riise. Once fed, we trekked uphill about 3 blocks to visit the old Jewish synagogue. It’s a sturdy building that has been here since the 1700’s. Sand covers the floor, and there’s a small gift shop off to the side.

Green House
Green House Restaurant
Temple2
Old Jewish Synagogue

Back downhill, we stormed the shops along Main Street. My favorite stores are Imperial Jewelers, Cardow’s, Ballerina Jewelers, and Royal Caribbean (not related to cruise line). A.H. Riise still has the best liquor selection, cosmetics, perfumes, rum balls, hook bracelets, and more. If you dock near Havensight Mall, you have a chance for more last minute shopping before the ship sails.



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ST. Maarten

December 24, 2009

We’ve been here before, so I already knew to take the water taxi for six dollars round trip from the pier into the center of Philipsburg. It’s good for travel all day and they put a plastic bracelet on your wrist. Vendors sell nice hats for $5 by the pier, and I added another one to my collection.

Our first stop was Diamonds International to pick up a charm bracelet. If you show this in the different ports, you get a charm to add for each island. It’s also a good shop to browse for jewelry. Outside facing the courthouse, we turned left on Front Street, but we didn’t care much for the stores at that end. We turned in the opposite direction and ended up in Shopper’s Haven where I bought a pair of dangling white gold earrings. They were expensive even for 14k gold but a unique design. The shopkeeper gave my friend Lynn and I each a glass of champagne to celebrate our purchases. This made us hungry so we headed to Holland House a few doors down to a delightful open air restaurant facing the beach. I ate a brie cheese sandwich while ceiling fans twirled lazily overhead.

Diamonds International
Diamonds International

Beyond the Boardwalk is a free beach if you ever go to the island so you don’t have to take any beach tours. A selection of restaurants face the water where you can sit and enjoy the view. It’s much more pleasant here than in Marigot, the French side of the island, where you get stuck in traffic going and coming from the port. Shops are expensive there and service at the restaurants takes a long time. The Philipsburg shops offer a selection of jewelry, cameras, Belgian chocolate, Guavaberry Liquor, and souvenirs. The old adage applies: If you see what you like, buy it.

St. Maarten Beach1
View of St. Maarten
St Maarten Beach2
Beachside at Philipsburg


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Independence of the Seas

December 22, 2009

December 12, 2009

8 nights to St. Maarten, St. Thomas, San Juan, and Labadee

Ship Review
RCCL ships have a signature interior Promenade like a city street lined with shops and bars. The Café Promenade, toward the aft end, serves pastries starting at 6am in the morning and sandwiches starting at 11:30. Coffee is available 24 hours. Their Seattle’s Best coffee is very good, flavorful taste. Creamer cups are about half the size of ones at home. I suggest bringing your own non-refrigerated Coffeemate creamer cups along. Since this ship was based in England (and will be returning there), instead of a coffee pot in the room, you get a hot water device with packets of instant coffee. Forget that and go to the Café. They serve fresh baked cookies here too. The fudge ones are the best. Re the pastries, normally I like croissants but their variety has a glazed coat that stuck to my teeth, so I preferred the cinnamon roll.
Promenade
Interior View of Promenade

Sorrento’s, also on the Promenade on Deck 5 forward, serves pizza and mini desserts like tiramisu. They put out antipasto in the evening that can be a nice appetizer. Like the Café, the food here is free and included in your cruise price. Also on the Promenade you’ll find the Vintages Wine Bar with a sophisticated selection of wines and wine flights, but the menu tends to be pricey and confusing. The Dog & Badger Pub focuses more on ale but wine choices are more reasonable. People are allowed to smoke in a section here and the smoke drifted our way, making us disinclined to linger. We didn’t note any food menu in either of these lounges but then we didn’t ask for one either. Ben & Jerry’s has a shop on the Promenade, but why pay for ice cream when there’s a free frozen yogurt machine outside on the pool deck?

Independence of the Seas
Independence of the Seas

Up on Deck 14 is the signature Crown Viking Lounge, here called the Olive or Twist. Nice dance music here during evening hours. Daytime it’s a great getaway if you want solitude and a terrific view of the pool deck from up high. I may add that unlike other ships, you cannot sit outside and enjoy a view of the ship’s wake on the Independence, nor is there a lounge where you can enjoy a view of the ship forging ahead. Too much of the focus is on the interior Promenade, including evening parades and street parties. The Schooner Bar is a quieter spot but they often have trivia contests. Production shows occur in the Alhambra Theatre which has adequate tiered seating. The Pyramid Lounge at the opposite end holds art auctions and other events. There doesn’t seem to be any nightly entertainment other than the main show, shown twice at 7pm and 9pm. The Labyrinth is a disco but sometimes was reserved for private parties. There were no late night comedy acts like on other ships unless I missed notice of them.

Cabin
Cabin

A few other items were missing too, that used to be provided in the past. Chocolates on our pillow at night. Lotion in the bathrooms. All we got was bar soap and a shampoo dispenser in the minuscule shower.

The soundproofing was excellent in our cabin. Maybe we lucked out and had quiet neighbors, but we didn’t hear anyone next door. Our cabin was a comfortable size with a couch and console but limited storage space. The drawers are small, and only one tier of shelves fits into the closet. At least there were plenty of hangars. The shower is impossibly small and shaped like a round sewer cover. Ladies, forget shaving your legs in there. I suggest you bring an electric razor, preferably battery run. This applies to the sister ships as well. The shower doors kept the water contained very well and function much better than an old-fashioned curtain. There’s a European style hose spray that can be awkward until you get the hang of it.

Our balcony room gave a wonderful view, while a clear glass barrier under the railing guards against accidents. Cloudy glass partitions on either side of the balcony separate neighbors. Two chairs and a small table are provided. We heard the whoosh of waves in our room even on deck 8. Our room was towards the bow, starboard side forward. The bedding was very comfortable, hotel style white comforters, two pillows, cushy mattress. Flat screen TV by Samsung hung on the wall. A hair dryer is provided. Suitcases fit under the beds for storage. Bring a small packet of antiseptic wipes so when you first arrive, you can wipe down all door handles, tv remote, telephone, and light switches. People were ill on this cruise with symptoms of Norovirus. Load your purse and pockets with hand sanitizer and use it religiously. Hand sanitizer dispensers are located at each bar and eaterie and at the computer station but carry your own and don’t touch your face at all until you’ve washed your hands.

Balcony
Balcony Cabin

The weather in December was warm for our voyage. The ship isn’t freezing cold inside like some others so long sleeves can make you hot, although I was comfortable in the evenings with my dressy wardrobe. We had two formal nights and the rest were casual.You have your choice on this ship of any time dining or formal seating. We chose six o’clock dining. Our waiter, Handra, was a small statured guy from Indonesia. Some of the meals I ate were prime ribs, tiger shrimp, roast duck, lobster tail and garlic shrimp, lamb shank, shrimp and mahi mahi tempura. I do not judge this food as good as on the Princess line. Each night on the menu were also choices of an Indian dish, a vegetarian dish, a pasta dish. None of these appealed to me so that made limited selections. The pasta dishes were too ordinary, like cheese filled ravioli or spaghetti and meatballs. You can get those at home, so why order them here? We’ve been on other ships where the choices are more tempting. The buffets in the Windjammer Café didn’t seem to have much variety either. And they’ve done away with the late night Chocolate Buffet.

RCCL has an excellent program for children. This ship had activities for all ages. Athletic minded adults could surf on the Flowrider, play miniature golf or basketball, go rock climbing, work out in the gym, swim, or jog the deck. Kids had their own whimsical pool area with colorful fountains spraying water and music blaring in the background. I enjoyed listening to the steel band playing at the regular pool deck or sitting in the quieter solarium looking at the ocean.

H20
H20 Fun Zone for Kids

The Captain greeted passengers on a bridge over the Promenade on our first formal night, Day 2 at sea. He said, “We’re sailing in the Bermuda Triangle. I’ve been coming here for XX years and nothing happened. Maybe tonight is the night.” We made it safely home so it appears we didn’t meet any anomalies. Now it’s time to plan the next trip.

Pool Deck
Pool Deck
Flowrider
Flowrider for Surfing
Sports Deck
Sports Deck

Coming Next: Ports of Call



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